I wear underwear

A few weeks ago I had a con­ver­sa­tion with my mother about under­wear. It was not the pro­ver­bial dis­cus­sion of “make sure you have clean ones on in case you’re in an acci­dent.” It was just a con­ver­sa­tion about things we nee­ded from the local depart­ment store. That’s how it star­ted any­way. She men­tio­ned that she wan­ted to pick up some “v-neck” t-shirts for my step-father. I shot her a look of dis­taste and men­tio­ned that “I hate v-neck t-shirts, I think they’re uncom­for­ta­ble.” She retur­ned my look and said “I don’t have a choice. I have to buy v-neck t-shirts.” Refe­rring to my step-father she con­ti­nued “you know he lea­ves his collar unbut­to­ned.” “What’s that got to do with it? I asked” “If he wore regu­lar t-shirts, peo­ple would be able to see them since his collar isn’t but­to­ned.” “So what?” I replied. In a rather exas­pe­ra­ted tone as if I was men­tally defec­tive (and as if it was the most obvious point in the world) she explai­ned “you can’t let peo­ple see your under­wear – that’s tacky.” “But mom, ever­yone wears under­wear, it’s not as if peo­ple should be sur­pri­sed, and it’s just the collar of a t-shirt we’re tal­king about.” “You should never let peo­ple see your under­wear, that’s just wrong” she said empha­ti­cally. “So the goal is to wear under­wear but pre­tend like you don’t?” I asked. This last point was com­ple­tely lost on her. It was simply a mat­ter of com­mon cour­tesy and peo­ple from her gene­ra­tion did “not let their under­wear show.”

It was one of those weird every­day con­ver­sa­tions that God some­ti­mes uses to speak to my heart. I have reflec­ted on it seve­ral times. Asking “what is the truth buried in this story?, what does God want to say through this conversation?”

My mother’s gene­ra­tion belie­ves that it is polite not to let your under­wear show. I have often told my chil­dren that being polite is one way of sho­wing other peo­ple that we care about them. When we are polite, we are being loving. And I think that is true in many situa­tions. When I hold the door for others, when I don’t inte­rrupt, when I give up my seat for someone else. The list is almost end­less. But the cour­tesy my mother was refe­rring to I believe springs from another well. It’s a cour­tesy that refu­ses to bur­den others. It says in effect – “I am doing a kind­ness to you by kee­ping cer­tain things from you.” At least that is how this brand of cour­tesy mas­que­ra­des. Although I sup­pose there must be some exam­ples of when it is truly a kind­ness not to bur­den others, in most cases I would really call this cour­tesy by another word — “pride.” Pride born out of a fear to be seen as we really are. Ever­yone wears under­gar­ments. Should we care that someone can see the collar of our t-shirt? Don’t they wear t-shirts as well – even if I can’t see them?

In Coun­ter­Point we often talk about the fact that true life-change comes through authen­tic rela­tionship. “God with skin.” is a phrase we’ve used to desc­ribe the fee­ling of being accep­ted by his other chil­dren. When God’s other kids know us in our bro­ke­ness, and love us any­way – we begin to be trans­for­med. The oppo­site of this is to pre­tend that we have it all together. To hide our under­gar­ments and pre­tend that we are doing you the favor by not let­ting you know about them. This is the road to iso­la­tion and ulti­ma­tely ruin. Unfor­tu­na­tely many of us will go into a church ser­vice this very wee­kend clea­ned up on the outside, but woun­ded and bro­ken on the inside. And no one but God will know the truth. We will even lie to our­sel­ves saying that “this is my bur­den to bear, it’s not fair to others to ask them to bear this.” In the scrip­tu­res we are encou­ra­ged to con­fess our sins to each other and pray for each other (James 5:16). We are also admo­nished to share each other’s bur­dens. (Gal 6:2) God’s plan for his peo­ple runs con­trary to the com­pul­sion to keep it hidden.

I’m not sug­ges­ting that a Sun­day gathe­ring is neces­sa­rily the right place to stand up and shout your bur­dens to the whole con­gre­ga­tion. But I would cha­llenge you, that if there is no one but Jesus who knows the real you (inc­lu­ding hurts, habits, and han­gups) – then you are mis­sing out on one of the most vital piece of God’s plan for his family. As for me, I will shout it from the roof-tops. “I wear under­wear!” Do you?

~ Truly Free